I wish I can

I really wish there is someplace, somewhere I can shout to the top of my lungs and say, "I'm angry!"

Oftentimes, when something displeases me or causes me to get upset, I just bottle it up and let tears roll down my face unashamedly. I couldn't careless. Nobody is around to see me crying anyway.

I wish no one will tell me that I'm "goody-goody" and when my moment comes, I am right away condemned and my imperfection not taken.

I wish some particular people will see me that I am human, capable of my own human emotion. That I am capable of getting hurt, sensitive and onion skin. That I can make mistakes; not that I'm a murderer, a covetous person, a robber and what else. Trivial mistake which is ridiculous to become a big deal enough to get cold shoulder from friends whom I thought are friends.

I wish there is a place where I can hide away. Just run and hide away. Run, run, run.

I just wish that my day today will have a happy ending after a terrible dream of war last night, in fact, not really night but early in the morning when I went back to sleep. I dreamed of a horrible war with smokey dust clouds from somewhere and the deafening sound of bombs and gunshots and war planes and I was down there on a trench all alone by myself. I couldn't fathom where everybody was gone running. I heard their hasty scary feet running and their voices screaming eerily but I saw no one.

Then my eyes opened and realized, it was all but a bad dream. A nightmare.

Addendum:

Some comforting words from Happy Guy. Though the above was posted yesterday, 29th April, I decided to insert it here, where it is appropriate.

SHIPPING

Sometimes we wait for our ship to come in. Sometimes we work very hard to haul that ship in to shore. Sometimes … sometimes, it doesn’t matter; for all our efforts, the bay is just to shallow.

Don’t mope about the ship that won’t come in. Take a smaller boat. You can sit there and cry, stuck ashore, or you can row yourself out to sea. It’s really up to you.